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January 03 Bon Voyage, Sailer!One day, you would find the world is a deceit
All the gorgeous sunset you have seen was fabricated
Your wife is a doll
You are living in the adverts
Your best friend was cheating you ALL THE TIME
And your life, you have no life of your own
They are all entertainments for others.
Fear should you not
Your are the only truth
A truth however never come to you yet
The world is waiting for you
The show is ending
You know what you are looking for
Just behind the gate
One more step
Courageous young man
You are just born. December 18 not so well known.Yesterday for me was such a disater, I mean, you have no idea that I could just stay awake and continue with my errands for the night until like, 12 o'cloce at noon today?
I remembered that I got up from a snap at 4 o'clock yesterday afternoon, since then I haven't touched my bed at all. There is only one good news, which is, I, finially, overcame all the sluttery and the unexpectedness, finished the novel, that I had been reading for however long, actually, long enough, the "Atonement". I bet that must be the reason I could be able to agitate myself for not sleeping all the way until noon.
That was, em, I don't know, forgivable, wasn't that?
Indeed, I am feeling good for being off the radar from all my friends, and I enjoyed locking myself up so that I could do some "holiday enrichment" like reading books.
I longed to do that.
It's always harder when you get closer, especially after you have put certain efforts on something you have high anticipation, I am having this target and I have never finished any of my targets before, I just don't want this sone slip off my hands.
I'd rather the journey be long enough that I wouldn't need to reveal who and what is waiting for me so soon, but it turns out I really don't have too much time. November 30 It was coldI stepped into the hall of Expo, I thought I could get some familiarity until I was freezed by the stream of crowds.
I found I lost my interest in electronics devices; computers, Notebooks, LCDs, Mouses, Speakers, every and each one of them. I literally didn't give a damn.
It wasn't like this before, especially after I came here, I used to love all of those small features as a personal hobby, I regarded them as some sort of technological art, because the artists sitting behind are people who are thinking more logically and they believe the balance is the ultimate rule of creating functional objects.
Seeing people rushing towards the booths, in hope of getting electronic devices that perhaps they had planned to buy for days, weeks, or even months, I could not feel anything, or recall what I was thinking few years ago being in such a place.
The bitterness came from the inability of rising any kind of pleasure.
It was cold and numb as always. October 08 Forget when I wrote itDo you think that the great convenience brought by the New Media will eventually change the form of religion?
Do you have any religion?
If you have, are you willing to attend the pure online religious activity?
Dose the new internet resources facilitate you in understanding the meaning of your religious?
Wake up gracefully, I sense the adorable world, which is the happiest moment in the morning. The air-conditioner started to recite the verse of the day-“’You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.’- Isaiah 26:3.” It’s linked to the feed of the “Biblegateway.com”. I feel the scent of the god thrusting my body, another divine morning is embracing my soul. “God, I’ll give anything I possessed to you, they are yours, I am yours!”
I go the toilet, pray in front of the mirror, the sapless face suddenly colored with holly glow. While brushing the teeth, I am reading the news displayed on the hidden fabric screen embedded in the mirror. “Oh, My God! 8 souls have been taken by another suicidal car bombing in Tokyo, Japan. Ever since the Taliban was eliminated long time ago, the other extremism had risen in Japan, the cursed country after World War Three.”
The surrounding air suddenly suffused with bloody odor, “Holly God, please save the world!” The ringing awakes me, reminds me, and convinces me that I am living a peacefully country – Singapore, It’s the New Apple iNerve phone powered by Fermi Technology, which was embedded into our brain, and controls our hearing straightaway; moreover, the phone is connecting to our soul channel, it makes a phone call as easily as just think about the person you wish to talk to.
“Darling, I just get on the space jet, I will arrive in the evening. Would you like to pick me up?”
“Yes, of course darling. See you then.”
I upload my happiness emotion to my wife’s central networked public memory and walk out of the front door “Another lovely day”
“Peter has gone to school; I don’t have to worry about him now, 15 years old young adult must learn how to be disciplined. Yet, of course I have his public folder access code, with the privilege as a farther; I am able to check all his homework. Howbeit, I never do that.”
Based on my schedule today, I have a morning Christianity Course for which obviously I am gonna spend my whole journey to my company. The priest projects his 3D image in my imagination network, all I have to do is just close my eyes and listen carefully, the messenger from the god flows to my mind and pacify my heart.
20 minutes passed unconsciously, finally, the gate of Microhard. I will have to kill the next 8 hours with Jasmine flavor Coca Cola, as a 40-year-old middle age business man, I have to follow the instruction of my brand new T-2000 health consultant that I bought last month, compared to the previous T-1000, Terminating claims the new model to be able to collect the information 21000 times faster, what a hell, technology is just unbelievable! October 07 Void TitleIt's happy to see friends' comments.
Ha ha, thanks very much.
For the sake of practicing and the momentum of having been writing the HW210 report for one day long. I decided to compose some words here.
What was I writing, "Decided to compose some words"? Disgusted by myself instantly.
Have a few things to talk about.
Friend told me that "Hua Pi" was a complete disappointment, It is a story about redemption and compensation by a goblin (Hu Yao in Chinese). He briefly introduced me how the story goes in the movie, from his description, I captured another old-fationed, regulated, standardized Chinese faiy tale which targets at box office
On the spot, after enough receiving the boring story which was even a pretty less descriptive version, I couldn't help exclaiming out, yeah, that's what I am talking about.
"Oh, my god. Is that all the Chinese movies that can bring to us? is that all the talent of our beloved director?"
Clearly, Not. I even came out with an idea that instead of lauding all these so called "Aesthetic Love Story", couldn't we just drop the just and unjust verdict and give audience the right to judge the story themselves.
Why is the goblin always the one being scold and hated. If she is just a creature, the one that had experienced all kinds of hardship and achieved the body of a human being. Why couldn't she love a man and pursuit what she longed for?
Why should we arbitrarily give a finale and stops the audience from imaging whatever they like?
What a movie can deliver is something drives our emotions, enlighten us and carry us away from our routinized life.
The audience long to be cheated. But it's not easy to cheat them, you need to craft your story. What have our directors done with that, is that too hard?
Or, they just want to stuff the movie with superstars and drain our pocket money? Nonsense!
To be continue... October 04 As always it isI promised myself on the day I opened this blog that I would never post any Chinese entry inside.
And, I kept this promise.
However, if I don't put anything in it, this promise is in vain. As the fast paced university life as it is, the truth is I am unable to squeeze out too much time to play with some English phrases to fill up my blog, yet I doubt that this is another excuse.
Things are not that bad, I have aother blog which resides in my Qzone that I can post whatever Chinese article, turns out I am still recording my sensations.
I am always overwhelmed by it.
...
Not too much to say about, just stop here.
Just recalled one quote from my friend:
Missing is the breathing pain. May 08 It's a long way to goI hate to say such words like, it's been a long time as I used to say in all my precious entries. But, I have to inevitably say it again.
Oh, it's been a long time, really really a long time.
I have switched to Chinese mode since perhaps last july, for that I realized I did not possess adequate english knowledge to express my feelings accurately. I opened other blogs and Qzones for the sake of recording my thoungts through my beloved Chinese, I have to declare that it was pretty aidant. The only negative effect was I gradually lost some of my english skills, so to speak, english is not my mother tongue, without constant practicing, I could not achieve the high standard.
But, good thing was that I didn't stop reading the books or the news, most of all I didn't stop thinking, I didn't rest my mighty brain.
I was seeking other ways, I was still learning, from other aspect.
Until recently, I happend to find this book - "Atonement", I am obsesed by the literary dipiction inside, they are attractive, verbose, accurate, and bewitched, the first time I perceive the magic of english language, thoroughly, which I sensed from Chinese long time ago. It's sparking undernearth the yellowish paper, hiding inside the words, but haunting in your brain, tricky, elvish, however long lasting. It brings pleasure, inspiration, it softens you soul, keeps you from daylight, and whispers to you, the ancient mantra, the genesis of human sensation.
That is the far cry, wakes me from urban depression, give me power, that's love, that's beauty.
I start to believe that each and every language is ultimately the same, they may have different expression, different syntax, grammar, prounciation, but they are the same, they echo from the inner body to connect us together, grant us intelligence, give us means to believe, to sense the world.
There is no shorcut to learn a language, all you should do is to cherish them, give your heart to them, the meaning is not the language itsef, the meaning is how you shape your mind, let go you soul, to feel.
It's certainly a long way to go.
书读百遍，其义自现！
April 17 [Quoted] What do you really want?The statement, “You can do anything you put your mind to,” leads us to believe that all you must do is imagine what you’d like to accomplish, set your mind to the task, and wait for success. To a certain degree this is true. Focused intention combined with action is a powerful force. But the statement is misleading because it fails to mention the difficulty and necessity of focusing your mind on a specific goal. Most of us don’t know what we want. We think we do, but we really don’t. We only know what we don’t want. We don’t want a boring job. We don’t want to be poor. We don’t want to disappoint our loved ones. Knowing specifically what you want is much different than knowing what you don’t want. When you only know what you don’t want, your intentions aren’t focused. Consider this example. Pete doesn’t want to be poor. He’s sick of earning less than his friends, and he’s determined to raise his status. To accomplish this goal, Pete could take many different paths. He could train for a high paying profession, such as doctor or lawyer. He could start his own company, go into real estate, or do many other things that would lead to acquiring wealth. But Pete isn’t sure what he wants to do. He doesn’t know which path best fits his skills and personality, so he doesn’t resolve to follow any particular path. Hoping to answer this question, he investigates a dozen possibilities, but as soon as he runs into adversity he decides that path isn’t for him and moves on to a new solution. Pete’s actions aren’t focused. Although he works very hard, his efforts don’t build on each other. Rather than building one giant impenetrable sand castle, Pete has built twenty smalls ones that are easily toppled. He ends up confused and discouraged. Ultimately Pete’s lack of focus leads to failure. Now, what if Pete had chosen a specific path? Suppose he decided on the law profession. His actions would have been clearly defined:
A set of specific goals is much easier to achieve than a vague end goal like becoming wealthy. Being focused on a path gives Pete a logical set of actions to follow. Each accomplishment is one step closer to the final goal. I think we can all agree that committing to a clearly defined path, regardless of which one, gives Pete the best chance of becoming wealthy. But how can he choose a path if he doesn’t know what he wants? Maybe money isn’t his only goal. Maybe he wants to do something he loves at the same time. Maybe he can’t afford to go back to school. Reality is complicated, and Pete doesn’t want to commit too soon. And that’s why he fails. But I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. Most people don’t fit neatly into a predefined path. Forcing yourself into one may lead to success, but it probably won’t make you happy. This is the point. If you want to be conventionally successful, to attain wealth and status, you need to choose a specific path (preferably something mainstream) and follow it to the letter. On the other hand, if you aren’t particularly concerned with wealth or success, you can take your time searching for that perfect niche. Just don’t wait too long to decide. Each moment you deliberate, your already committed competitors sprint further ahead. But, then again, maybe life isn’t a race, and maybe the most interesting people follow a path all their own. July 02 My WishI had been humbly seeking a way to achieve my so called greatness. I was not a strong man obviously that I could so easily abandon what I had aimed. And, thus I was always holding my envy upon others and every time, this envy grew bigger when I failed to outperform my competitors as what I wished. Yet, this time, after a long way, a painful and harrowing journey; I finally realized what I was longing for. I was not such a person who should always be envious, I am a person who wish to win a little bit claps after I devoted myself greatly for any tiny purposes. And so, I started to know that I was focusing wrongly before. The goal was not the little bit claps that I hoped, the goal was how much I devoted! And so, I shall put my heart fully on what I am doing, and I shall be holding each precious moments tightly when I am doing that something. I forgot who told me about how happily she was when she found that she was progressing each time when she was fighting her increasing sloth; and I must tell her that I now understand the happiness she once possessed. The day, I won that basketball match marked my own happiness at the time; I believe that the day I enter the university will also mark the happiness again with all my meaningful struggles that I am now overcoming! Yes, purhaps the greatest wish that I have now is going to University, which I lost this year. Even though, it's slightly childish and not my style. I am still dreaming of standing on a stage which belongs to me, address a important speech like Martin Luther King, like when I had been as a child Again, I am just a child and I wish to be it forever; until, until, the day, someone could wake me up. The day, I can say I love you gently March 31 The rotting brainIt's been a long time since I touched this little private space, more than three months or longer.
That day, the day I left my last entry I was thinking of anything behind me: faded time, a girl, some of my accomplishments. But, now what has passed had passed forever, even the smell of that club starts slipping away from my mind.
Sometimes, people have problem of spending their lives: 24 hours, 1440 minutes, and 86400 seconds, when you only have the power to count them, you will find it be a rather shameful situation. And, I am living in this situation, NOW!
Let's get rid of talking about anything as to, like finding the job, applying the university which are surely some torments.
Whenever you have nothing to do on your hands, your brain cells call all the shots. Billions of cells won't just rest; imagine, the electrons are travelling through your nerves, all the chemicals are reacting with each other; how are you going to stop them for you can not even see them. It's impossible for a person, to shut down this machine for as little as one second, because god made us, he wants us to feel the life, feel the god damned beautiful life. And druing this silly, short life, you must not waste any tiny segment of it.
Why? Everybody is seeking something valuable through out their 70 years strugglings, averagely, nobody understands the true meaning of it. After that, a long farewell sends you to another world, vanity.
Sadly, nobody will understand the true meaning of vanity before the death, because nobody can relive. When I was a child, I was always thinking a very stupid thing about a predator and its victim. I was thinking that, if even one of the victims can be relived and it had the chance to tell those who are still alive how the predator hunted them; would there be any victims at all?
Truth is Almighty God created this eternal wall, and blocked us by any means to reach the other side of the world, and brings us enough contents for being alive.
Being alive the most precious thing you can ever own.
No matter how many doubts inside my heart, I will still choose to burn my soul, the flame will last until the day the I start to languish. I am longing for that neverland and the day I reach there, I must have carved my name on the stone of destiny.
Let the storm be stronger January 24 Once Upon a Time...I really don't feel like use this phrase, cause it implies some sorts of sorrow and I can not feel any.
Yesterday, forgot to bring back my uniform, so I came back here - Club House from my company. It's filthy. I picked up the broom, less than 15 minutes, everything was back to their origin. I smiled.
You know, this club house, I am just so familiar with!
I am sort of long-term memory guy, those moments, they are just firmly stuck to my brain, I can't get rid of any of them. While I was cleaning this room, I sniffed my own smelling belongs to one year ago or so, precisely they are histories and they are mixed with everyone whoever has been here also. I saw my shadows playing basketball outside, each dribbling of the ball, every shot I made, I heard my heart beating, my sweltering flowing through my body. Oh, my goodness! I miss it casue I am about to go.
I want to say "Thank You" to that door, to the window, the table, that cupboard, that piece of glass, those unwanted umbrellas, even the view of the building on the opposite of the street which is from the angle I lifted my eyes while sitting on the chair. When I was so upset during my first semester of my third acedamic year, when I was overburdened, only this place where I could rest my mind and thought about how to rebuild this Karate-Do club with Zou Kan. The speakers were still playing my favourite songs but they are no long as shining as the first time I saw them.
Thinking, two years ago, I had even hated about this hot and humid place, the dim fluoresent light drove my crazy. But now, how can I express? The 80% memories of mine about Ngee Ann is just this place. I revised my modules here befor common test, I ate my lunch here with my friends, I missed about that girl here last year. Ha, ha, ha, just overwhelmed, my memories floolds into my vein.
Forget it, nobody can prevent time from galloping faster than you can imagine, we like our past more is only because we can not resume them again, can't we? The sands of time are running out, I am 20 years old already. The Ngee Ann Life left behind, I have grown up here from a shy teenager to a brave yound adult; adult? when the 20-year-ago was knocking on my door, I was still inebriating by my 15, how about my 30-year-ago.
Recalled that plan two years ago: I must manage to use English fluently! Ha, I must have reached this target, isn't it? And, I still remember that I didn't give up when there were only two members in this club. Somebody asked me about whether I was satisfied by my Ngee Ann life, I answered stoutly that I wasn't! Here, I think I have to change it, I lived a wonderful life here. Like that fabulous "Novemmber the 5th", remmember, remmember, every glimmer of your so called routinized life, don't ever miss them, friends.
I am still confident that I can embrace my bright future, that's gorgeous!
Once upon a time......
P.S. This article is to commemorate the period from July, 2004 - February, 2007. January 20 Do you have faith on me?Long time no see, friends (using the plural).
Have already forgotten about what's a blog
I am kinda sensitive personell, but I promised myself I won't write a Chinese entry here, so, I kept it blank for such a long time.
Two weeks from now, I will finish up my forth school life, a little upset.
For, I can't appreciate whatever happened to me when I was in Ngee Ann(Past Tense), just like I can not appreciate whatever happened to me when I was in Primary, Secondary, or High school.
Nevertheless, I can not deny that I am such a lucky person: never be on top, never stuck to bottom. He, he, a Okey person, which means nothing too bad is going to knock on my door, neither did anything excellent. I named myself "moderate".
School life is quite different from social life, we all know about this, but we don't understand. You can find thousands of millions of reasons to catch up with a late bus while you are at school, but you can't even say a single word when you are getting fired from the company. Perhaps, we all are just used to this insouciant life and we won't give the short change to the gloom approaching
And, I made up my mind, I am going to enjoy every minute for the last two weeks.
The sands of the time are running out, life is shortening in every click of keyboard, you are living in the world, you have the most precious treasure.
Do you have faith on me?
I know, you do.
Sorry for stopping your life, of which anyone who accessed this entry, I appreciate!
May the eternal sunshine shine upon, cheers. November 09 PainfulStart to worry about my future.
Whether I am going to reorient myself in the university is really a problem
Don't want to end up inside the Clean Room, being a asisstant enginner.
But, you don't have enough power to choose your path.
Friends, are you ready to accept failure even it's bitter?
Friends, nothing is just a piece of cake, have you had enough courage to battle any frustrations?
To feel the pain is good for you. So, take it, it's not the burden, it's the reborn.
November 06 Time to make a transition!To be or not to be, that's the quesion?
Sometimes, I was thinking that if I was not me I was someone else, would I be happy? would I be satisfied?
If I was Mr. Einstein, would I be happy with owning the smartest brain in the world, if I was Michael Jordan, would I be happy with crowed the best basketball player ever have; if I was Mozart, would I be happy with marked as a legend of music in the history.
Then, God gave me a choice before I was born to select the role that I am playing now. Definitely, I chose to be "Li Xiang", not the creater of the "Principle of relativity", not the lord of basketbal, and not the Legend of music.
Allow me to ask: why?
I was pondering over the last two hours while I was lying on the bed, I cried. Eventually, I realized that "EVEN I HAD ACHIEVED WHATEVER THEY DID, I WON"T FEEL SATISFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" This ultimate insatisfaction was killing me from inside, I needed to change.
Luckily, I have got a chance. Recently, I was suffering too much physically and mentally. I didn't believe the truth when someone told me that I became thinner again! I had to change myself. I still believe that a person would only give out his full power when he was standing along the cliff.
If everything was just going against with me, I knew it's time to break the chrysalis now. It means that I still did not try my best and I have to from now on.
Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you.
October 31 Thank you, the right person!Before I write down my feelings, I shall say that today is the big day for me: Remember, Remember the 30th of October.
One year ago, if my memorization was correct. When the person who I would always remember, she gently picked up the violin start singing “The Mice love the Rice”. I perceived that the syllable of time paused, in that moment everything became constant for ever.
One year after, I could not hear her sound again; at least, in such a special mood.
But……She changed me, a person who is struggling inside his own cage, blustering against his destiny for such a long-term.
I am afraid of failure, I am afraid of myself! When the moment I got the second place in the math test, the moment I missed my chance to the Men’s 400-meter race grant final, the moment I graduated sadly from my primary school, my secondary school, the moment I didn’t admit I liked her when she asked me in my Senior High School, the moment I chose to escape from china. I defined myself as a loser!
Even before I came to Singapore, before I left china; I made somebody disappointed about me. I am sorry, father and mother!
Life is really a trick; life won’t reveal his mysteries in such a simple way. If I was not pressurized by this competitive society, I didn’t join my Karate-Do club, I didn’t give all my credit to rebuild this club, I didn’t keep going back to Ngee Ann in order to meet you. I will still be the 20 years old child for my entire life. I dug a hole for myself the moment I gained my memory. When would I jump out of it?
Standing besides the cliff, nobody would hesitate, because you have only one choice. You step ahead, you die! I picked up English as the only object which I could rely on. Maybe the god knows about me, I had never spent such a lot of time in just one thing, the only thing, and the unique thing. It was painful at the beginning, I woke up at 7 o’clock sharp in the morning, cycling to school, grabbed every useful material, read, read, read, and memorized. As I told my sister, “Think of it, Love it and Dream about it”. Few months later, I found I did improve a lot which I could not imagine how much? English soaked into my mind solidly!
“我爱你，爱着你，就像老鼠爱大米……………..”
Memory will slip off when you won’t take care of it, even those big moments in you life. A few months just passed swiftly, and all the memory about you just faded away unaware. Maybe it was good, maybe I would just forget about everything. I lost my kitset, 180 dollars! Believe in me or not! I had to find some part-time job to sustain my daily expanse due to this carelessness at the end of my second year. Then, I entered Parents Seminar 2006 and met you again.
Still remember those stupid loves, freezing pees, chilled noses, or snows? I didn’t expect that during those hard times, I didn’t expect that I can meet you again when I felt extremely lost. Final year project was waiting for me while I was quarrelling with my teammate, Final exam was approaching while I was busy making money, I could not go back to visit my parents, even the Karate-Do club remained only two members: President and Me. How could I do? That was the only day I smelt, and I forgot everything after me.
Suddenly found that I still had something to pursuit, and I still had something to fulfill with all my efforts.
How time flies! In such a bad condition, I received two Ads in that semester, I got a B+ for my final year project without cooperating with my teammate in a three-person project, and most of all we rebuilt our club with my dear president and my “brother”. How would I complain? After that I even met you several times on the bus No. 184 and that bus stop became the only one which I would not miss. I did a great job for just myself, didn’t I?
Am I finished?
No! Long time never see you again after exam, do we? I could not express how much I would like to see you again!
When I was sitting inside the lecture theatre presenting the CCA fiesta briefing, out of my prediction, you came in? Changed, totally! I didn’t dare to just say “hello”; I closed my eyes, let it go, let it go, let it go.
In the pitch black, a little aches on my shoulder. Who would it be? Turn around my body, a smiling face shining on me. Wow! I would be ashamed of myself. You spoke to me, remembered me, right?
Here, I need to tear off this mask, the shit mask. Without that over-confident shell, there is only one bashful soul crying out there.
What happened following was so clear. I met my sister, and out of less than one percentage possibility she’s your roommate. How could I say? Coincidence out of conincidence. I do not believe the coincidence, I do believe in myself.
But, the god continued to play tricks on me. Misunderstanding, failure, lost; again, invaded my life and I was wandering in every hot mid-night with my confused life. How would I satisfy myself if I would not tell you the truth? Ngee Ann, or may say Singapore, they taught me how to get rid of any suspicions and devoted myself to one thing, they taught me how to be just yourself dealing with all the hardships, they taught me how to smell whenever there is a surprise presenting in front of you. But at last, I went through each obstacle in front of me, there is another one crashed in. Without being in the club house, I was still the person who was wearing the over-confident, self-love mask walking alone the darkest shadow. How could I content?
I didn’t understand that why I should go to school on last Thursday, I didn’t understand why I should pick up the “Shawshank Redemption”, I didn’t understand why I should sit in the third floor watching the movie, and I didn’t understand why you should come to the media room. After all, the consistence of walking back to campus start to go into effects and the money that I deposited in your account was waving the hands to me. Is it the time for splashing them?
We talked, I didn’t know where did I find the courage to walk to your desk and searched the topic to chat?
………………………….
I splashed the money and they won’t come back anymore.
I redeemed myself; the one entered this world 20 years ago.
“我爱你，爱着你，就像老鼠爱大米…………………”
This Confession dose represents what was indeed in my mind!
I would not think of any consequences because of it, the one who was narrating the story for this whole year was a real “Li Xiang”. He is just too tired of keeping all the secrets.
A Men! Good Night to everybody. October 23 There is something about......Acute Gastritis!!!
I was asleeping, and I was dreaming all the hell good stuffes, it just happened. At first, it was an ache on the solar plexus and I was still dreaming but with a wierd feelings; subsequently, it spred, spred, where was I? A big big punch on my abdomen, and I woke up. Fears, depressions, why? Why would I suffer this? Oh My God! It's a level 7 pain. I could not feel my stomach, it was like some flux, yes, flux hanging on there and for gods sake, they were eating me.
I sank, I sank, NO! No way should I be like this, No Way! Checked my watch, it was 3:30am in the morning, except some disturbing Fxxxing noice form the other window opposite mine, I could hear nothing.
The pain was increasing and I could not even concentrate my mind, I was really sad. There must have something which damaged my stomach, but I was not able to figure it out. Dump it. I found that once you were sick, consiciously, you wouldn't believe and you would begin to Fxxx the god.
Started to vomit and diarrhea, all liquid form (Sorry, a bit disgusting). Headache, maybe. I was counting the second with my heart, the only time that I prayed I would like the time passed faster. A fast forward!
In the morning, went to NUH, first time sitting in a wheelchair because I really could not stand still. All of a sudden, the world became dark for me, believe or not, I am not an optimist and I have no idea of how to think in a positive way. Would I recover, or would I lay on the hospital bed for some days................
Transfusion, first time in Singapore. It's been over two year since I have done that. All the instruments were better than those in china, (occupational disease) good news was that I did not lose my humorous behaviours.
Felt better.
...........................................
(24 hours later)
(Part of this article were complete under a physical fever situation, the rest were finished after i got rid of my condition)
Life is like eating chocolate, you would never know what does your next step taste. Sufferring illness can be also remarkable. Let me know that health, happiness and insistance are more important.
There is something about..........
Ha, ha, forget about it, "May the wind always be at your back, and the sun always upon your face, and the wind of destiny to carry you aloft to dance with stars" (Quated form blow). Enjoy the life.
October 01 For those who are going to be forgot and those who have been forgotten.Found that, if I was not going to push myself continually to do something, I would just skip what I am doing. Last week, I just formulized a so called "Final Fantasy Seven" blog which is meant to keep the pace of my blogging life. But, that was not my original intention which clearly indicated to a film review of "Derailed". This week, I am thinking of sending my computer to service centre; so I nearly skipped this week's blog. Fortunately, when I am packging my luggage, all thoughts crouched in my soul for such a long time suddenly striked my hearts. 2:00 am, however, I will still finish this! Listening, listening, they are roaring! For ten month, living here, I felt actually unconfortable. The atmosphere, the personell, all of them. You know how I sad I feel when I am going home. Every day, I will only reach home after 11:00pm, home home home, where the hell is my home. Physically, No!!!!!! I'd rather consider the Karate Club House being my home. I don't have a home, not even in China! When I was a kid, the most frequent phone call received was from either my mother and my father:"Li Xiang, go home, go home, too late.". Now, that one changed to:"Li Xiang, do you miss your home?"My answer, no no no. I don't want to return, I don't and will never ever miss home. You ask yourself, fighting with each other everyday, where is my home. You ask yourself, pushing me to get the highest marks in the exam which I am not able to do, where is my home. You ask yourself, never stand by my side, every child in the world is the best except me, where is my home. I thought, I could change this when I came to singapore, but all the people I met were just not my type, all the habits they had were just in the opposite way of mine. I prayed, I prayed, and the only in return was just disappointment. The only thing that I could do was change my house every severl month and used the novelty to compensite my lost. Sitting inside the Mcdonald on 1:30 am, the place was still crowed. Most of people in this city do not like sleep, and they do not like morining either. Like reversing time, spent your day out of synchronization with the sun. I was chilling with myself, even the fries were pretty fresh. Just wanna did something before I left, at least I kept some of my memory, it won't fade and run out even they are bad. "Ka Ka Ka", my laptop's cooling fun is reminding me the time is passing and the prime is perishing. "I walk alone, I walk alone." Sapless. September 23 What I mean is that, I need to refresh myself every day.     
Final Fantasy Seven. Enjoy! Just share some nice pictures. He He. September 21 About Magnetism, About dreams, About myselfAt last I found something which is suitable for me, A CHINESE LECTURE NOTES ABOUT ELECTROMAGNETISM. Believe or not, the language is still a barrier for me to fully understand all the theories. How to say? I am still a student in English that I realized, all the advanced mathmatics, modern physices, chemistriy, which I have never even touched! I am still not a university student, is that the final problem? Frankly, sleeping in the deep embrace of night, some sparks will still frequently pop-up inside the ocean of my mind, I wanna be a university student!!!! This dream, came from my childhood when I was not more than a naive, innocent kid. Faith, faith, faith; I chose the way to be abroad and I needed to sacrify something which is rooted intrinsicly from my body. Time flies, those passions, motivations are still flaming, but I have no choice. Am I regret? No. Positively, trust me, I am not joking. Reality, fantasy, two different world. Even if I was another einstein, I won't be happier than I am now, right here, right in singapore, and right in DSI. God gives me a reason which allow me to choose my future instead of staying in the dreams. I will choose now, there is no perfection. "Life is about fulfilling what you want!" Forget about the university, forget about being a scientist, being a warrior and use your own hand to create. My dear CHINESE LECTURE NOTES, I would only embrace you!! September 18 To-morrow, and to-morrowI found one famous quotes from shakespeare and I cherish it by all my souls. Like reading some famous chinese poem, I can by myself read it recite it again and again and again!
"To-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow, creeps in this pretty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time. And all your yesterdays have lighted fools. The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow a poor player, that struts and frets into his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing!" |
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